My eyes darted back and forth trying to escape his gaze.
We both knew that I had been caught in a lie.
I tried to swallow but my throat was dry. My hand reached over to my wine glass but instead of picking it up. It stayed there hovering.
“Where were you?” he asked again. His eyes became more intense by the second.
“I told you, I was with Tosin,” I replied. Another lie that we both knew wasn’t true. A lie I didn’t need to tell and he didn’t need to hear from me again.
He looked back down, a brief flicker of anguish washed over his face and then it turned blank. That blank neutral gaze I knew only too well. I felt my heart tug down to my stomach. I hated that I did this to him. That I had this power to crush him and squeeze out what was left of his humanity, his dignity, all the things that made him the man that I had fallen in love with.
He picked up his napkin and dabbed it at his lips, and then he pushed back his chair.
Getting up, he looked down at me one last time. His eyes roared at me. Reaching out to shake me over and over, wanting to know ‘why I always did this to him’, ‘why I hated him so much’.
I wanted to reply that I didn’t. That he was my world. That I wanted no one else but him.
But the words couldn’t leave my tongue. They were trapped deep down behind a locked door.
Sighing, he opened his wallet, left some notes on the table and without looking back at me, he left.
I felt the room begin to spin. My heart pounded in my ears as I forced back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.
Steadying myself. I picked up my wine glass, placing it to my lips and drank. As the wine slid down my throat, the smoothness partially helped to extinguish the fire that was burning inside of me.
I looked around for the waiter, summoning him over to order another glass.
He smiled at me as he made his way over. A cheeky smile. A smile that sent tingles down my spine. His tongue darted in between his lips, wetting the bottom one. His deep blue eyes burned into me.
I motioned for him to come closer, so I could place my order.
I inhaled his scent as his cheek brushed my own. I could feel the heat returning. But this was a different kind of fire.
Instead of my order, the words, ‘Meet me outside in 10 minutes’, left my lips as I whispered in his ear, my breath ragged.
He nodded as he straightened up. A knowing excited smile replacing its predecessor.
Once he was out of sight, I slowly got up, fixed the bottom of dress and walked towards the exit.
Godwin was long gone, his car nowhere to be seen. I would take a taxi home. Climb into bed next to his sleeping frame and carry on with the facade that I had subscribed to for so long.
The sound of the city was my soundtrack as I headed to the back of the restaurant and breathed in.
Before I had even reached the alleyway, I spotted him. His back resting on the neighbouring wall. His piercing blue eyes speaking all the words I needed to hear.
I walked over to him, and pulled him towards me. His mouth clamped down onto mine and I was lost.
Lost in the game that I had no desire to ever stop playing.
The thoughts of ‘Why did I always do this’ and ‘Why was my husband never enough?’ disappeared as he pressed me up against the wall and my dress began to rise.