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How I tamed my beastmode

How I tamed my beastmode

Apr 09, 2021

Creativity will always be tied to the body and well-being. For much of my adult life, I went through bouts of moodiness and painful PMS. I thought I would just have to accept it, and that there wouldn't be any way to control it. Even at my healthiest, on a balanced diet, I suffered through overwhelming emotional episodes. 

As much as it sounds mundane, I’m also grateful that it was a simple condition: my body (because of inherited predisposition or chronic neglect) couldn’t absorb enough nutrients I needed from the food I ate. And it had a simple way out: I needed to take supplements. 

But I did nothing about it for years, in spite of my doctor reminding me since I started going through these painful periods in my twenties. I would start taking pill-form supplements, but I never took them consistently enough to have a lasting effect. It was a chore that I couldn’t seem to fit in to my life. My other women friends were the same — we all needed to take two or three separate supplements, and like me, they would stop soon after they got started. The all-in-ones seemed like a good solution, but they were usually formulated with a higher dosage, triggering skin breakouts or other allergies.

I resorted to describing myself to others as someone who “has a temper” or someone who went “beastmode” at times (this became my nickname). Much to my regret, it was the people I cared about who bore the brunt of my pain.

It would be twenty years later when I’d read about a young woman who developed a whole food supplement that you could just eat instead of “take.” I read up more about it, and although I’d like to say that I tried it because of the science-supported benefits from its plant-based ingredients, or its FDA approval, it was really the fact that it was actual food that made me go for it.

Almost a year into taking GEM Daily bites, I feel like I’ve gotten to know a self I knew was under there somewhere, but I couldn’t completely uncover. Finally, I was on friendly terms with my body, no longer trapped in the fog of pain and uncontrollable moods.

There needs to be more study and conversation around how PMS, brain fog and physiologically-triggered moods affect women, and ways to bring more accessible and affordable food-based relief. This would be nothing short of a revolution for more than half the population of the world, and all the lives they touch. That means every single one of us. 

But until now, most of us would dismiss this pain as a matter of “normal” or gender-based temperament. It’s not normal to be constantly moody. It’s not normal to have overwhelming emotional flare-ups that come out of nowhere. It’s not a normal “woman thing” to be in varying degrees of pain most of the month. 

It’s incredible how much time I’m spending actually writing (something I really love doing) instead of self-soothing and looking for outlets when overwhelmed with sudden emotional flare-ups. I’m much more satisfied with my relationships, knowing they won’t have to watch out for my moodiness anymore.

Being pain-free allowed me to know my body better, and rediscover other nature-oriented habits that works for me that’s deeply rooted in my culture and childhood (like using certain herbs and essential oils — more on that in another post). It’s such a “small” and simple thing, but my well-being ended up being the key to open up my life and my creativity so much more. 

Imagine what the world would be like if women weren’t in constant pain. I’m fortunate to have a peek through that door, and maybe I’ll live to see the day that women finally blast it wide open.

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